The Defining Moment: An Adult Son’s Personal Perspective

By: Rick Garlick, Community Relations Director at North Woods Village of Kalamazoo

I used to call my mother every Friday afternoon and ask her to preheat the oven. I would stop on
my way over, pick up a frozen pizza and a salad, and we would have dinner together. It became
our routine after my siblings and I learned that both of my parents were living with dementia.

One evening, I walked into the house and found my mother and father standing in the kitchen,
staring at the microwave as if it were something completely unfamiliar. The door was open. The
clock was blinking. The oven hadn’t been touched.

When I gently asked what they were doing, my mother replied, “We’re trying to preheat the
oven.”

I calmly closed the microwave door, reset the blinking numbers, took one step to the left, and
turned on the actual oven. My parents looked at me as if I had just created fire. And then my
mother said something that broke my heart.

“I feel so stupid.”

This was the same woman who had prepared countless meals in that same kitchen. The same
home she had lived in for 62 years. The same oven she had used nearly every day of her adult
life.

After putting the pizza in the oven, I excused myself and walked down the hallway. I closed the
bathroom door and let the tears fall.

That was the moment.

The defining moment.

The moment I understood that dementia was no longer subtle. It was real. It was progressing.
And it was beginning to take control of the two people who had created my entire world.

It was also the moment I knew that, eventually, we would need help.

Later, I learned that each of my siblings had experienced a defining moment of their own.
Individually, they felt like isolated incidents. But collectively, they told a much bigger story.

When “We Can Do This” Becomes “We Need an Expert”

Nearly every family I sit down with at North Woods Village can describe their defining moment.

It’s the moment you move from:

• “We can manage this.”

to

• “We need support.”

These moments are not failures. They are not signs that you didn’t try hard enough. They are signs that dementia has changed the level of care required.

If you are walking this journey, take the time to share your experiences with your siblings and family members. Chances are, they have had their own defining moments too. When you begin communicating those stories openly, you may realize together that the need for specialized memory care is greater than any one person can manage alone.

And that realization can be the first step toward peace.

At North Woods Village, we understand that the decision to explore memory care is rarely made in a single conversation. It is often made through a collection of defining moments — moments filled with love, heartbreak, and courage.

If you would like to talk through your story, your concerns, or simply ask questions about memory care, we are here to help. I’m Rick, the Community Relations Director at North Woods Village of Kalamazoo.  I know from experience that IT TAKES A VILLAGE.  You do not have to navigate this alone.  I have been there, so please reach out and let’s have a conversation – 269-397-2200, ext. 303.